If you ever feel like the world isn't worth living in, maybe you are right. Maybe it's just not meant for you. Maybe, you are not meant for it.

As confusing as it may sound, my life has been dominated by these thoughts most of the time. At first I used to think others are wrong. Then, as I grew up, I understood no one as wrong. For sometime during that phase I would blame myself thinking that everything is my fault. I am the odd one out. But being the hopeful optimist that I am, I carved out the best of these thoughts and labelled myself 'special' regardless of other's opinions.

That is how I still Identify myself as, "Special".

I have spent 75% of my life on Earth wrapped up in my own world. Although I knew no matter how cruelly distant the real world is from my realm of fantasies, one day, they are bound to clash. I have dreaded that one day when I would no longer be able to hide myself among my secrets from the clutches of reality's evil claws. One choice which I won't be allowed to make when the time comes. One decision taken by the mighty elders which will ruin me, my dreams, my passion, my identity forever.

Today is that day. The judgement day of my life.

The past few hours I had managed to keep my thoughts occupied with the best case scenarios and the worst case scenarios that could occur from the little charade I had pulled up last week.

The upcoming few minutes will tell if I had succeeded in delaying the judgement day or is it finally happening today regardless of my dedicated efforts and prayers.

I have long believed that you can't change your destiny. You might try but you can't be sure that what happened wasn't the actual script of your destiny, can you? That is a theory I had formed since the tender age of 10 but never dared to test. Being the believer of religious, spiritual and supernatural entities that I am, along with an open-minded thinker, I have formulated many theories but never dared to test them knowing too well that I can't do anything that isn't supposed to happen. Also with the fear that every action bear consequences. I accepted Newton to be the Genius that everybody claimed he was when I myself realized the deeper truth of this theory.

Hence, I am doing what I can do best  at the moment. Wishful thinking. One if my many untested theories states that there are points in time when whatever you say, whatever you think, is realised. I hope my unending train words and thoughts will catch onto one of such random moments.

Each and every pupil sitting around me in this living is well aware about my decision on the matter being discussed. Not that they don't believe me. They don't want to believe me. Being the unique one isn't always good. Especially when no one can understand your inhibitions. The majority rule is accepted for the sake of convenience. But sometimes, it overlooks the concerns of the unique, different ones.

Every person harboured by this house at the moment loves me as a daughter, a sister, an aunty, as a friend. By no one understands the challenge they are forcing me to face by doing this nearly every month.

If only I could I would gladly throw a tantrum, get up from my seat, stomp towards my room and won't eat a single morsel of food until they agree on seizing this drama once and for all. But that isn't an option for me. The most important lesson that my parents, scriptures, relatives, society and life had taught me is that I should always respect and obey my elders no matter what.

If only elders were taught to listen and understand their youngers, at the very least.

They can very well see the expression of anger, sadness, disappointment and fear on my dull features, but aren't ready to accept that someone like me could exist in this world who wouldn't be thrilled by the prospect of acceptance on the proposal they put forth.

Actually, it's less of "could exist" and more of "should exist" in most cases. The majority can tolerate living beside the unique minorities, but not with them. Or else the actions and thoughts of them would lead to cognitive dissonance among some of the majority ones which would lead to many a lot complications.

Sometimes, I think the problem of the world's population is non-acceptance and a lack of imagination at the very basic level.

"Tring, tring, tring.... " The classic mobile phone ringtone felt like battle cries to my ears.

My father answered the call with a tense face which stayed the same throughout the call. All eyes were on him as everyone knew who was on the other end of the call.

As he finally put the phone back on the table, he focused his eyes on me for a brief fraction of a second as if he were unsure of what to tell me. Before I could tear him up with my emotional puppy dog eyes, he shifted his gaze towards his elder brothers and sighed a breath which he didn't know he'd been holding until then.

"They've agreed." He let out as happily as he could when he was well aware of the reaction that would follow from his only daughter.

Papa loved me the most. Also, he was the strictest with me since childhood. The best combo for successful parenting. Only, no technique is 100% effective. Sometimes, it tears my heart to even think about how miserably he failed in bring me up, let alone saying it to his face. That's the oy reason preventing my tear ducts from shedding any liquid. To protect his dignity.

"Muh mitha karao sabka (distribute sweets to everybody). Our Shree is getting married."

There went my prayers. The destiny passed it's verdict. I am about to be thoroughly destroyed.